5 Very Smart Ways To Help You Stay Faithful
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I have a friend (greg) who gets into fights at least 3 or 4 times a year. This is no hyperbole.
In fact, the “3 or 4″ is just a best-case scenario baseline. When you combine his random bar fights with his various basketball-related skirmishes and his never-ending domestic issues (greg isn’t a woman-beater. His domestic issues usually involve whatever chick he’s seeing at the time throwing his fries out the passenger window after arguing while in line at a 24 hour wendy’s drive-thru), it could be as many as 7 or 8. If you stretch that over 10 years (the number of years we’ve known each other), you can easily say that greg has been in at least 50 fights this decade.
Once every couple of months or so, greg will confide in me with some variant of “i’m getting too old for all of this fighting, man. i need to chill with this sh*t” and he’ll be completely sincere.
Then, a month or so later, i’ll get a text from him asking if he can crash at my place for three days because his girl threw a foreman grill at him while he was in the shower, and he thinks they might need some time apart.
Greg’s dilemma (he genuinely wants to stop fighting, but he still continues to do it because he doesn’t realize he’ll always get into fights as long as he continues to date hoodrats and hang at hoodrat nesting spots) almost completely mirrors the dilemma (many) men face regarding fidelity.
While it’s true that wanting to be faithful is really the only thing that keeps men faithful, i sincerely doubt that most men enter new relationships planning to step out on their women. but, like greg, many of them end up getting caught up as a result of a series of increasingly bad decisions.
Here’s 5 ways to help avoid that from happening
***btw, although this list is addressed to men, many of these apply to women as well***
1. Only commit if you’re 100 percent sure you actually want to
The single most important cheating deterrent occurs before you even enter the relationship. if you’re lukewarm about the whole relationship thing but still decide to go through with it, you already have one foot on the KY sponsored cheating slip ‘n slide machine, and it’s about to get f*cking windy.
2. Remember that you’re a man
My girlfriend has numerous female friends. several of these friends are also my friends.
As friends do, we have conversations. we laugh and joke with each other. If we both happen to be in the same area, we might have lunch together. we usually hug when we greet each other. We might even dance with each other for a song or two at a club.
But, there’s also lines we just don’t cross. we’re not going to discuss each others sex lives. In fact, we’re not even going to have a private conversation about sex in any context. I’m not going to complain to them about something my girl did (that’s what male friends are for). We’re not making dinner plans with each other. no one is sitting on my lap, ever. We’re not going to talk on the phone while i’m in bed. they’re not going to chill at my place unless my girl is there, and we’re not going to chill together anywhere by ourselves if it’s after dark.
Now, even though i have absolutely no desire to sleep with any of them (and i’m sure the feeling is mutual), they’re still women and i’m still a man. and, when you put a man and woman in enough intimate situations together, sh*t occasionally happens.
An innocent “hey, you wanna hang out tomorrow night and watch the steelers game?” can turn into “hey, you wanna finish this bottle of wine? i’d hate to just throw the rest of it way” which leads to “it’s cold. i’m going to get a blanket” which is followed by “you know, i never told you this, but…” and concludes with “this is so wrong. we shouldn’t be doing this…”
3. No more night-clubbing
You show me a man in a serious relationship who still goes clubbing twice a week like he’s single and i’ll show you a man that’s hanging for dear life on the edge of the cheating cliff.
You see, from the fact that guys pay for entrance fees and drinks while women have “free before midnight’ and ‘ladies with orange thongs drink for free” deals, to the perpetual radio, TV, and flyer nightclub promotions featuring nothing but women as their main attraction, clubs are places specifically designed for men to come and see as many women in one place as possible.
Because of this, a man doesn’t go clubbing to chill with his boys or to dance. if we’re consistently at the club, and it’s not related to our occupation in some way, it’s to find chicks to bag and bone. that’s it. there’s no other reason.
Women can do this because they’re all inherent cock-teases (more on this in a bit), but we’re just not built to be able to rub up against scantily clad and lascivious hoochies and snizzles and not want to get her number or buy her a drink or a BMW.
Plus, from sports bars and fantasy sports to barbershops and BBQ’s, we have tons of other opportunities to bond with each other. night clubs ain’t for bonding or chillin for us. they’re for booty and booty potential…two things a relationship minded man should avoid.
4. Don’t talk to cock-teasing assholes
***A relatively harmless random gchat conversation between a single man and a cock-tease acquaintance**
Cock-teasing asshole: “you know what? i’ve been really horny for some reason recently. It’s like i’ve been fantasizing about every man that i see”
Man “Word? damn. Expound. What do you mean? explain, please. in detail.”
Cock-teasing asshole:“eh. That’s ok. I think i’ll just go home and watch some more wrestling”
***A relatively harmless random gchat conversation between a man in a relationship and a cock-tease acquaintance***
Cock-teasing asshole:“ You know what? I’ve been really horny for some reason recently. It’s like i’ve been fantasizing about every man that i see”
Man: “You crazy. Did i tell you about this great omelet i made this morning?”
Cock-teasing asshole: “Did you make your omelet with a heated skillet? Just asking because i’ve been trying to find a way to incorporate one in the bedroom. Did i ever tell you about the time in the greyhound station bathroom with the dominican twins…”
You see, most cock-teases are only interested in you if they think you’re not interested in them. And, even if you attempt to redirect the conversation, they have a way of turning the tease knob even further. Just try your best to avoid these women at all costs (or, if that doesn’t work, just tell her you just broke up with your girl)
5. Watch porn
While your girl might not initially approve, she’ll come around when she realizes she’d rather you get your rocks off to roxy reynolds than regina the rookie office intern.